Why not punish out of Parenting the Heart
1 - Because the punishment teaches that consciousness is something external, imposed. And the reasons to do good should be within oneself. Thus, we underestimate the ability of children to know they meet the standards and we lose confidence in themselves.
2 - Because they teach that it must comply to receive no punishment and not because there is a reason in the rule itself. Therefore, when the punishment disappears, it disappears compliance with the standard.
3 - Because it is very hard to be fair to the punishment, because they are not identical situations. There is always a margin of error, the act is evaluated and judged from outside and more often lack information. Moreover, punishment may be unjust because they affect the outcome of an action and not the cause that has led to this action.
4 - Because it is very difficult to set limits on punishment: the higher crime, more punishment ... How far? If you still meet the standards, what we do, kill them?
5 - Because, upon completion of the punishment, contrition disappears. We no longer feel bad for having missed, because we have paid. This clears the conscience.
6 - Why are imposed, born of power, strength and are humiliating and alienating. In addition to teaching the law of the jungle, no longer an exercise in violence and violence breeds violence. Like a scream, like a slap, a penalty is obvious proof of the q q is imposed is was no argument, and it feels just disarmed by force q is considered capable to impose its criteria. The time is right, in q as a parent, let your child clear q should never have you so confident: a.
not someone I trust you your mistakes, there may be retaliation
b. you're not someone with full capacity to respond and when you run out of them, are able to react violently
7 - Why generate rage and desire for revenge on the child. Crashes with those feelings and keep you from learning who has not been well. Whenever you see the punishment as unjust or unreasonable and that gives more reason to continue to insist trying not to get caught (unless that the punishment is so hard to not do it for fear and a relationship based on fear is fatal.)
8 - For the punishment implies guilt, and do not want children with guilt, but with a sense of responsibility
9 - Because the punishment distracts the child from their own stock (more or less inadequate) and moves parental action of punishment. Thus the child is concentrating its efforts, either in some kind of revenge or on how to avoid it getting caught next time. The punishment requires children to be liars (learn to disguise their errors) and, therefore, undermine the trust relationship with parents.
10 - Do not leave any room for empathic attitudes and takes the place of a creative attitude which should seek alternative routes to the situation.
11 - Find correct behavior and that implies a constant state of "vigilance" of punishment.
12 - involves an evaluation of the person who is behind this behavior ("you've been bad"), with their implicit and explicit messages qualifiers. In group situations reveals who is "better" or "worse."
13 - For children under 5 years, can not take the place of another, do not foresee consequences and not dominate, so the punishment is unfair because they are not responsible.
Situations where it seems acceptable to some form of punishment:
1 - limit situations of danger: it may be the only way to stop them. This applies particularly to school, where many children with one teacher.
2 - suffer the direct consequences of error: it is educational because it teaches that our actions have consequences that we must solve ourselves.
3 - The discomfort and anger that produces a bad action are legitimate and there is no reason to hide them: it is also a punishment.
The same applies for the prizes.
2 - Because they teach that it must comply to receive no punishment and not because there is a reason in the rule itself. Therefore, when the punishment disappears, it disappears compliance with the standard.
3 - Because it is very hard to be fair to the punishment, because they are not identical situations. There is always a margin of error, the act is evaluated and judged from outside and more often lack information. Moreover, punishment may be unjust because they affect the outcome of an action and not the cause that has led to this action.
4 - Because it is very difficult to set limits on punishment: the higher crime, more punishment ... How far? If you still meet the standards, what we do, kill them?
5 - Because, upon completion of the punishment, contrition disappears. We no longer feel bad for having missed, because we have paid. This clears the conscience.
6 - Why are imposed, born of power, strength and are humiliating and alienating. In addition to teaching the law of the jungle, no longer an exercise in violence and violence breeds violence. Like a scream, like a slap, a penalty is obvious proof of the q q is imposed is was no argument, and it feels just disarmed by force q is considered capable to impose its criteria. The time is right, in q as a parent, let your child clear q should never have you so confident: a.
not someone I trust you your mistakes, there may be retaliation
b. you're not someone with full capacity to respond and when you run out of them, are able to react violently
7 - Why generate rage and desire for revenge on the child. Crashes with those feelings and keep you from learning who has not been well. Whenever you see the punishment as unjust or unreasonable and that gives more reason to continue to insist trying not to get caught (unless that the punishment is so hard to not do it for fear and a relationship based on fear is fatal.)
8 - For the punishment implies guilt, and do not want children with guilt, but with a sense of responsibility
9 - Because the punishment distracts the child from their own stock (more or less inadequate) and moves parental action of punishment. Thus the child is concentrating its efforts, either in some kind of revenge or on how to avoid it getting caught next time. The punishment requires children to be liars (learn to disguise their errors) and, therefore, undermine the trust relationship with parents.
10 - Do not leave any room for empathic attitudes and takes the place of a creative attitude which should seek alternative routes to the situation.
11 - Find correct behavior and that implies a constant state of "vigilance" of punishment.
12 - involves an evaluation of the person who is behind this behavior ("you've been bad"), with their implicit and explicit messages qualifiers. In group situations reveals who is "better" or "worse."
13 - For children under 5 years, can not take the place of another, do not foresee consequences and not dominate, so the punishment is unfair because they are not responsible.
Situations where it seems acceptable to some form of punishment:
1 - limit situations of danger: it may be the only way to stop them. This applies particularly to school, where many children with one teacher.
2 - suffer the direct consequences of error: it is educational because it teaches that our actions have consequences that we must solve ourselves.
3 - The discomfort and anger that produces a bad action are legitimate and there is no reason to hide them: it is also a punishment.
The same applies for the prizes.
0 comments:
Post a Comment